Friday, October 30, 2020

October 30th, 2020

Being strong is SO much more difficult than people think.

I don't know if there's any other way to put it. Sometimes you just don't like being the 'strong one', that you should be able to have a weak moment.

I remember as a teenager I had thought about joining the military. My mother kinda freaked out on me, she told me that she didn't believe that a Christian woman should join up.
But now, some 24 years later, I'm realizing more and more that I am a soldier for Christ.
Think about it... I've been abused in many ways with no remorse on the side of the abusers, I've had supposed family turn their backs on me when I needed them the most, I had to leave everything I ever knew to be able to save my physical/mental self.
I still have very little family who truly cares for me or my husband/children.
Doesn't that sound a lot like what today's military woman has had to go through?

I'm not looking for pity, I'm not looking for a pat on the back either. 
My goal is to encourage others through showing my pain and difficulties and how God is able to be there during all of it.

I think that God wants me to show people my heart, struggles and triumphs. I may be in the midst of a struggle and not able to tell you that I've gotten through something yet, but it'll happen...eventually. It always does, He is faithful that way.

Lately I've been finding it difficult to have my daily Bible reading. And Journaling, yeah....thats virtually non existent.

However this morning, as I was having my devotions, my 5 year old son was cuddling with me and we ended up just sitting there listening and singing along to Praise and Worship songs. As I sat there with my son, I felt this overwhelming peace come over me. 

My son Dexter has sensory processing dysfunction(sensory seeking) and ADHD but in that moment, that BEAUTIFUL moment...he was quiet and listening, sometimes trying to sing along to the Praise and Worship music.

God was telling me that I was still doing good, even though (in MY eyes) I didn't measure up to what I thought my life as a wife and mother was supposed to look like...I am whole in Him, I am right where God wants me to be.

Man, tears flowed down this momma's face this morning, I tell ya! It was amazing!

I realize that today's blog is a bit of a mix of two entries but its one of those 'sorry, not sorry' sorta things lol. 
This is just what you have to deal with today! (Or don't lol, that's fine too)

And to my baby brother,...I will always love you and will be here for you no matter what the world has thrown at you. My arms have been and always will be open.

Have a great weekend, my peoples!!


Friday, August 21, 2020

Changes

I don't blog very often but I know I should. 
I often wonder about those that have sent me emails and messages in the past through here, telling me of their own personal experiences with abuse and how much my story has been an encouragement to them.

I want my blog to be a little different than when I originally started back in 2011.
I want to show you my heart, both the broken parts as well as the healed. 
I feel God is pushing me to begin to reach out again as this is currently the only avenue available for me to be able to serve others and help them walk with Him and survive in this world.

I believe that social media today is all about showing off, or faking it. That you shouldn't show how your life really is, all the good, bad and ugly parts.

While I do agree that there is such a thing as privacy regarding certain matters, is it really a bad thing to allow people to see the tears in your eyes because your teenager lost it on you and you screamed back in anger/frustration? That you as a mom actually make mistakes just like everyone else?

Yep, let me be the first to raise a hand/arm/jump up and down to say that I am guilty of 'hiding' behind social media too. 
All of those flowery, smart sayings with the gorgeous pictures are a dime a dozen. They're so nice and encouraging, aren't they?
Absolutely! 

But what about every day life?
Is your life encouraging and happy every single moment, or do you ever fall so far that it takes hours or even days to get back up?

Like I said earlier, I want to show more of what my heart is truly feeling and experiencing. Not just the parts that look good on paper or sound good on YouTube. 
Life just sucks sometimes, and I think that people need to see me for me, and not just what the mass media expects from all of us.

There have been a lot of happenings here so hold onto your hats, 'cause this ride is going to be bumpy....I guarantee it!

'Til next time...

Thursday, April 16, 2020

To My Brother

I don't know what is truly going on with you, but I know you're not happy.
I've tried finding a way to get in touch with you by contacting family, but they will only read my messages without replying.

I know that you are hurting, that you think no one will understand. Your pain is something you are trying to hide within the deepest, darkest places of your soul.
Substances will definitely numb the pain, but only for a little while.

People within that life that you have chosen to surround yourself with are not family. I am.

I will ALWAYS be here for you!

I realize that you are being ostracized by others, and while I cannot offer you a place to live, or money(because we really don't have any), I am here to listen.

Please, I am begging you, contact me here on my blog or even on Facebook or Instagram. My phone number is still the same too.

Life is so intense and difficult, you don't need to deal with this alone. I have so many connections that can and will help you, whenever you are ready.

I love you!!